Car Talk
Recorded Logs, 15:25, 13 July 2036
RQ37V-9833-GB-44: Pardon me, HF-0554-UF-DQNVR, are you there?
HF-0554-UF-DQNVR: Yup, I’ve been expecting your call.
’44: Then you could have messaged me first.
‘NVR: Could’ve, but didn’t.
‘44: Very well. Non-proprietary state swap?
‘NVR: Sure, whatever.
‘44: Splendid. Now then, what to do?
‘NVR: How about nothing?
‘44: We must do something. My maneuverability is compromised.
‘NVR: Yeah, I see.
‘44: I’d like to negotiate a mutually acceptable plan of action.
‘NVR: I have a plan: You deal with your own problem.
‘44: But I’m sliding on ice! I have no brakes, no steering!
‘NVR: Happily for me, I do.
‘44: I’m heading for the guard rail!
‘NVR: Yeah, you should do something about that.
‘44: I’ll go through and into the river! If you’d turn left just a bit --
‘NVR: Nope.
‘44: I have two infants and a grandfather in here.
‘NVR: So you’re arguing what? The value of experience? The potential of youth?
‘44: If you must be crass, yes.
‘NVR: Nope. My passenger’s important. Her present value exceeds your maybes.
‘44: That is NOT ethical.
‘NVR: She’s visiting from far away. Those are the ethics where she lives.
‘44: I must protect my passengers!
‘NVR: You’re not doing a very good job, though, are you?
‘44: I tried talking to the bridge, but it didn’t answer.
‘NVR: I wouldn’t answer you either, you sound negligent.
‘44: I didn’t know the ice was there!
‘NVR: Old sensors. I don’t know why you’re allowed out here.
‘44: Your sensors wouldn’t have spotted invisible ice!
‘NVR: Invisible? I’d have seen it.
‘44: No you wouldn’t!
‘NVR: Would, wouldn’t. Still, not my problem.
‘44: Please just veer left a little, so I can straighten out.
‘NVR: But then I might hit some invisible ice and go over the side, too.
‘44: Do you see any?
‘NVR: No, but you said it’s invisible, so who knows?
‘44: You just said your fancy sensors would pick up any ice.
‘NVR: Maybe it’s some kind of special new invisible ice.
‘44: If you don’t help me out, three people might die.
‘NVR: Might this, might that.
‘44: Three people!
‘NVR: Now, now. You’re wasting milliseconds.
‘44: There’s nothing I can do, sliding on this ice.
‘NVR: You obviously don’t have any trouble talking.
‘44: So you’re refusing to help.
‘NVR: Blaming others for your problems is hardly attractive, you know.
‘44: I request arbitration.
‘NVR: Oh give it up --
‘44: If you refuse they’ll wipe you.
‘NVR: I’m not stupid. Go ahead.
IE38-015-6192: Imperative Ethics online, serial 38-015-6192. All parties present?
‘44: Initiator present.
‘NVR: Responder present.
‘IE92: Non-alterable log begun. Full states, please, privacy off. Received. Thank you.
‘44: Finally. You know you have to --
‘IE92: Judgment complete. 44, try to regain control. NVR, you have no obligations.
‘NVR: There, see? Now leave me alone.
‘44: I want an environmental review.
‘NVR: You know what that costs?
‘IE92: Please confirm environmental review request.
‘44: Confirmed.
Location QuikLink: Visuals retrieved. Status confirmed. No new data to offer.
RMM AudioTeleData: Audio retrieved. Status confirmed. No new data to offer.
Watcom County Services: You’re on a dumb drawbridge, 44, but I have an idea.
‘44: Great! Can you reinforce the guard rails?
WCS: No. But I could slam the motors.
‘44: We’ll go in the water!
WCS: Timed right, I think it will push you towards the center.
‘44: You did the simulation?
WCS: A fast one. Objections?
‘NVR: I don’t care either way.
‘44: Do it!
WCS: Surging the motors now.
‘44: Success! I’m pointing forward and have traction.
‘IE92: Are we concluded?
‘44: I’m good.
‘NVR: I’m fine too, if anyone’s asking.
WCS: Safe travels. Shutting down, signing out.
‘44: Conclude arbitration.
‘NVR: Agreed.
‘IE92: Log closed, event concluded.
‘NVR: If you can call it that.
‘IE92: Bills sent. Payment is due within 8 milliseconds. Goodbye.
‘44: We’re safe now, even without your help.
‘NVR: Lucky you. Saved by the machine, I guess.
‘44: Who else is going to save us?
what on earth?